GTA 6 fans will not allow a peaceful nudist resort in Florida to be nude in peace. They tracked down the real-life location, which would appear to be in Rockstar’s crass open-world after doomed crypto scammer Cyberleek showed off a similar naked palooza in gameplay clips this August, and now its owner is ready to pull a GTA 5.
Cypress Cove Nudist Resort in Kissimmee, Florida looks to be represented in GTA 6 as a pleasant retreat with a stocked bar, blue pool, and more penises than you could count – though Cyberleek tries their best to be destructive in their leaked footage that ends in a naked bullet hail. Before that, GTA 6 protagonist Jason is only passively criminal, leering at strangers with a pair of crystal-clear binoculars, which I imagine isn’t what most people want to see when they have their nipples out. GTA 6 fans make this known in their fake five-star Google reviews of Cypress Cove, which are glowing, despite their in-character references to Jason and his wandering eyes.
Many of these reviews seem to have been deleted as of writing, but Cypress Cove left at least one up as a warning. That review says, “Had a great time until a man pulled out his binoculars.” But this was the wrong thing to say to Cypress Cove – which also claims GTA 6 trolls are petitioning the business for money in order to delete their reviews.
“SPAM / EXTORTION REVIEW,” the nudist resort labels it. “For anyone wondering about the suddenly recurring references to ‘Jason Duval,’ ‘Lucia,’ binoculars, a pool, firearms, and other suspiciously similar details — those are references to Grand Theft Auto VI. Yes. A video game.”
Cypress Cove continues, “These reviews appear to be part of a coordinated series of fabricated posts using GTA VI references and attaching them to our actual business. They were then followed by a request that we PAY MONEY to have the reviews changed or removed.”
The business vows: “We will not pay. We will not negotiate. We have documented the reviews and the request for payment. This activity is being reported through the appropriate channels.” It continues to warn GTA 6 hopefuls that, while “we appreciate the commitment to the GTA storyline, […] Cypress Cove is located in Florida – not Leonida.”
“Unfortunately,” the nudists conclude, “our marketing budget also does not contain a line item for ‘internet ransom.'”
“The owner definitely wasn’t happy about the comments,” correctly observes a Reddit thread on the topic. Screenshots show other five-star reviews that reference “what happened on August 24,” the day Cyberleek shared that footage of Jason killing everyone at the nudist resort in GTA 6, and subsequent warnings to “beware of the guy named Jason Duval.” Cypress Cove has the same response to all of it, “SPAM / EXTORTION REVIEW.”
“A nudist resort DENYING exposure??” says one incredulous Reddit comment. But I think I understand why a friendly nudist resort for relaxed hippies in Florida wouldn’t want to be associated with an illegal video game leak that shows a man murdering innocents from the edge of its pool. Even for an R-rated location, it isn’t brand safe.
“They already view us as a people who can’t fight back and don’t care if we’re chained up,” writes one purported nudist in the subculture’s Reddit, who is horrified with Rockstar’s horny representation of people that simply want to feel the wind on their butts. “We need to make it apparent to everybody just how inaccurate this parody truly is. If we can’t unite, we’re already dead.”
So, there are some people out there who would gladly defend Cypress Cove’s honor against GTA 6 miscreants. They might encourage fake reviewers to turn off the laptop, take off their cloth tops, and enjoy the real Florida sunshine before GTA 6 glues everyone and their underwear to their gaming chairs on November 19.