My eyes glaze over as I fight Bakir for the 13th time in The Blood of Dawnwalker. The crazed Genghis Khan wannabe puts his fingers to his lips. I can’t actually hear the whistle as he summons five blood-birds to swan dive at me – I always, always mute games when I need to focus – but I’ve memorized Bakir’s attack pattern so well that I now have dreams about it.

A bird shoots toward me, an arrow loosed from an invisible bow. I dash left at the last moment. Another follows suit; I dash right. Left, right, then left again. Right trigger to teleport behind Bakir. Hit the shoulder buttons. Repeat. I know how to win this fight. It took me three or four failed attempts before my first victory, but with 12 consecutive successes under my belt now, I still harbor the delusion that maybe, just maybe, it will all work out this time. Because that’s how video game bugs work, right?

Crash out

Like all neurotic kids who grow into perfectionist adults, I have a problem: I’m cursed with the conviction that I am special. I respect others’ failures but cannot tolerate failure in myself. I am built differently and, even when presented with evidence to the contrary, rise above the slings and arrows of outrageous (mis)fortune that plague everyone else.

This serves me well when it’s a matter of pushing myself to work harder. But it’s less helpful when it blinds all sense and keeps me from accepting objective truths. You see, The Blood of Dawnwalker is still going through some teething problems on PC and Xbox Series S, and my game keeps crashing immediately after one particular boss fight. It does not have any autosaves, either, meaning each crash has me starting the battle all over again.

A quick Google search reveals a probable cause – the boss fight is notoriously buggy. Many others are struggling with frequent crashes throughout the game, with the transitions between cutscenes at the end of boyar Bakir’s fight at the Lunar Games being a top-reported trigger point for critical shader loading failures. Instead of waiting for the devs to simply drop a hotfix (you know, like a normal person), I take the bug personally. No, I say; my game is not bugged, and I vow to keep throwing myself against this particular wall until I either succeed or become a garish red splatter against it.

Get your head in the game

Bakir’s fight is not the hardest in the game, necessarily, but he has a very specific attack pattern. It’s luckily not too varied, consisting of three well-telegraphed spells, a lot of punches, and unblockable roundhouse kicks, but it doesn’t help that you fight him stripped of your usual gear.

Having been crowned the victor of Bakir’s Lunar Games, I join him and his goons for a celebratory drink. My identity is concealed by a rather fetching moth mask, and I’ve spent the testing trials trying hard to avoid blowing my peasant cover and exposing myself as the notorious Dawnwalker, Coen of Laslea, slayer of Bakir’s vrakhir siblings. When the sadistic mongol asks me to remove my mask – we are all champions here, after all – I am all too happy to acquiesce. Oh yeah; it’s boss fight time.

Of course, I have to pick off Bakir’s lackeys first. They don’t give me much of a challenge, especially now I can use my vampiric abilities to claw their faces off and pop health bars like blisters with Blood Surge. If they land a blow, I can even sup on their delicious throats for a little pick-me-up. This time I quicksave right after slaying the final goon, looting her body for some health potions. The big guy enters the ring, and I am thoroughly locked in.

Bakir’s bare-handed wallops and hefty kicks are just the start; he teleports across the arena and pounds soil sending out rippling waves that can damage and stun me. Like all his other moves, Bakir’s first spell is all about timing. He sends out four or five reverberating shocks, each of which can be easily dodged by hopping left, right, or even backwards. He raises his arms to soak in the praise of invisible cheering spectators, leaving him wide open for me to shadowstep behind him and hammer the attack button. I’ve also built up enough ability charges to hit him with Blood Surge. The spell is fully-upgraded, taking a good chunk off his health bar with each cast.

His next spell is the one I mentioned earlier. Bakir whistles and conjures a flock of birds out of blood, which hover above him in a semicircle before darting my way one by one. Again, the attack is clearly indicated, this time through Bakir backing away and whistling loudly, so all I have to do is time my dodges carefully just like how I countered his ground pound.

Spoils of war

But the biggest and nastiest move is reserved for after I smash through the first two of Bakir’s three health segments. He teleports to instead of away from me and does yet another ground pound – sometimes telegraphed with a little voice line like “get in here”.

This one is a devastating AOE – get caught in the eruption of blood that encircles the brute, and you’re immediately stunned; primed for Bakir to punch you to death.

The instakill is a sore spot for many. It’s a nasty surprise that just gets nastier the more times you lose to it, which I manage to only do once. I reload my sneaky quicksave to avoid having to battle Bakir’s gang all over again. I make it through the whole encounter near perfectly, including keeping extreme distance when Bakir’s on his last health segment, until the mongol finally falls to his knees. I watch the cutscene, relief flooding my body, and choose to bite Bakir. But my victory is short-lived. No sooner do I drink from the boyar, the cutscene attempts to transition into an Assassin’s Creed-like chat with the deceased… And suddenly I’m staring at my Xbox home screen.

It must be a fluke, so I try again: I defeat Bakir. I skip through the cutscenes. It crashes again. I do this four more times before heading to bed in a blinding rage. I wake up in the night and reload to an earlier point to see if this specific choice path is bugged – to no avail. Tomorrow, I tell myself; I will try again tomorrow. Naturally, the same crash happens each and every time I best Bakir.

I had set out to somehow debug my game through abject refusal – succeed or die splattered against the invisible wall keeping me from my prize, right? Well, consider me thoroughly splattered. 13 victories and counting, here is your sign to accept that some games are just bugged and cannot be overcome with sheer willpower and sharp reflexes. Not even if you, too, are a Special Little Girl.